Walking in the dark

013 (3) "I couldn't live without them..."

I couldn’t live without Finch. And it's not even because I would have bled to death in that parking structure if he hadn't risked everything to rescue me.

No. When he came into my life I had nothing left. He’s right, I was looking for something or someone to kill me -- the only reason I hadn't done it myself was because I’m just too damned stubborn to stop fighting. But he gave me a job. He gave me hope. He made me want to live. And I don't know if he'll ever truly understand how important he is to me.

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Muse: John Reese
Fandom: Person of Interest
Word count: exactly 100
Crossposted to LJ at muserevival
Also fills charloft 100 Drabbles of Summer #82 - Author's Choice

95-13. "Where am I to go, now that I've gone too far?"

As he runs away from the explosion lighting up the night behind him, he realizes that he has no idea where he's running to.

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Muse: John Reese
Fandom: Person of Interest
Word count: 24
Written for musebysentence

95-17. "I can feel it coming in the air tonight"

When the black SUV pulled to a stop and Detective Carter and Mark Snow got out, Reese knew that no matter how this night ended, it was going to end badly.

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Muse: John Reese
Fandom: Person of Interest
Word count: 31
Written for musebysentence

8. Sand

There are days when he thinks if he never sees another grain of sand, it will be too soon.

No matter how careful he is, the stuff gets everywhere. In his hair, his eyes, his boots, even his cot. There's sand where no person ever wants sand.

It even haunts his dreams at times, every potable liquid turned to sand while he's dying of thirst.

Though those bad dreams are better than some of the others, where the sand is churned up and scorched; splattered with blood, and sometimes worse.

He misses the days when sand was just a beach.

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Muse: John Reese
Fandom: Person of Interest
Word Count: 100 words exactly
Written for charloft's 100 Drabbles challenge

Friday - Clothes, as the saying goeth, make the man (or woman, or emancipated House-elf). What are your clothes saying about you behind your back?

List ten items that your wardrobe would be incomplete without.

1. boxer-briefs (last thing I want to be distracted by when I'm dodging bullets is boxers bunching up or things not being where they should be as I'm running around!)
2. socks - appropriate to the footwear I'll be wearing that day (in other words, dress socks for the usual suit attire, but cushioned-sole socks if I'm going to be wearing boots. You learn things like that very quickly in the Sandbox.)
3. shoes or boots, depending on the situation
4. undershirt if it's cool or a dressier situation, not necessarily if casual (cotton only - I avoid the moisture-wicking type on general principal. See #2)
5. shirt - preferably white or charcoal
6. suit jacket and trousers, or motorcycle jacket and jeans, depending on the situation
7. belt - plain black leather
8. watch - water & shock-proof with plain black band
9. coat for the colder days
10. earwig to stay in touch with Finch

(And for a bonus, list one item that your significant other/parent/valet would surreptitiously eliminate from your wardrobe, if given the opportunity).

1. Anything even remotely related to firearms (with the marked exception of body armor - get the feeling the preference would be me wearing that every time I step outside...)

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Muse: John Reese
Fandom: Person of Interest
Word Count: 180 not counting prompt
Written for charloft

441. Do/Did you want to get married?

Love -- real love -- just doesn't happen to people like me. Once someone gets to see what's inside, they don't want to spend their whole life tied to that. All the lies, all the secrecy, the never being able to be there for the important things and not even being able to honestly say why. Who would ever want that?

And that's just the everyday part of it. There are the less... pleasant things one has to do -- what person would want to be with someone who could do those things?

At one point, before I took that next step over the line, I really did want to marry someone. I loved her enough to put in my resignation from the military to be with her.

And then the Towers came down.

I cancelled my terminal leave and went back, and after that I fell down the rabbit hole. I... let her go so she could find someone better -- someone good. I had no way of knowing she'd end up with someone just as bad -- with someone who would hurt her and eventually kill her...

Just more paving on my road to Hell.

Now -- well, it's different. I do have someone who knows all my dark secrets, and though I'm sure he doesn't really understand how I could do those things, he knows there were reasons. A number of them turned out to be lies, but I didn't know that at the time.

He also knows the job -- I don't have to feel guilty about missing something and being unable to explain why. And unlike the last person I was close to, who I now know was lying through his teeth to me, I know his motives are good and honest.

I know how I feel -- and it kind of scares me to think about it...

I just wish I knew how he feels...

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Muse: John Reese
Fandom: Person of Interest
Word count: 313 per WordPerfect
Crossposted to LJ at "theatrical_muse"

Thursday drabble - Tonight, tell us about something or someone mysterious.

[locked from Finch - as much as anything can be]

When we stood by Kohl's grave, I said I always thought I'd die in a place that didn't know my name. He deflected it, but I know he must know my real name -- he's read my file, after all.

But I don't know his.

Lionel's right -- he's been hiding for so long I don't even know if he knows his.

Harold Finch. Wren. Crow. Any number of bird names.

Brilliant man with a tragic past.

A very private person...

He's my friend -- hell, he's pretty much everything to me -- and I still really don't know the first thing about him.

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Muse: John Reese
Fandom: Person of Interest
Word Count: 100 (not counting heading/notes)
Written for charloft
Also fills 14. Bird prompt for 100 Drabbles of Summer

007 - ( 6 ) Canon prompt (OOC): Write a diary entry from your character with their thoughts of a specific event that deeply impacted on their life.

"I'll get Miss Turing to safety, and I'll come back for you, John."

That's the last thing he said to me -- and he didn't come back. He's gone. Taken -- by her. By the very person I sent out to him. I protected her and gave her a straight, unimpeded shot at him without me around to protect him.

It's Charlie Burton all over again -- and possibly just as lethal, considering what happened to Corwin. I gave her an all expenses paid tour of how we work as a team, of what we're capable of, and I essentially unleashed her on him, while keeping everyone who might have been able to stop her busy following me.

Yeah, I couldn't have known; hindsight is 20/20, whatever bullshit you want to say to reassure me it's not my fault. Except it is my fault. I've been trained to see through this kind of thing. I've been trained to read people and figure out exactly this kind of trick.

And I failed.

And because I failed, the person who means the most to me in the whole world is gone. Taken somewhere, held in the clutches of a computer genius who also happens to be an evil shrink.

I have to get him back -- before she can do too much to him... Before she has a chance to do too much damage.

Right now I wish I didn't know so much about torture.

When I find her and get him safe, she'll wish that, too.

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Muse: John Reese
Fandom: Person of Interest
Word count: 255 per WordPerfect
Crossposted to LJ at muserevival